The Part of Estate Planning That Costs Nothing
I grew up in the Boy Scouts. My dad was an Eagle Scout. My grandpa was an Eagle Scout. I grew up "brainwashed in a positive way with the values of the Boy Scouts," and I mean that as a good thing.
Then I had three girls. And I realized my girls weren't getting that same exposure.
At the Family Office Club, the investor club I've run for nearly two decades, we already had core values for the company. And I realized every family should have core values too. So we came up with our own family values. It cost nothing.
I want to start this estate planning post there, because I think it's the part a lot of families skip.
What this looks like in our house
We came up with 12 family values. I thought about narrowing them down to three or four. But then I realized the family crest we grew up with on the wall at home already said it: "actions, not words." So we kept the list and put more weight on that phrase. To me it ties into integrity, being strong, being healthy, being bold and having courage.
The values hang on the wall above our kitchen table. Our last one was getting outdated, so we had a new version made with a metal backing. And we reward and punish our kids based on those values. We make them live by them as much as we can.
Then I added one more thing: a one-pager for the kids. Our family values sit at the top. Under that are summaries of two books.
The first is Be Useful by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I read them every word of it, except for skipping some of the swear words. The second is The Success Principles by Jack Canfield. I read that one to them every year. I used AI to summarize both books so the main points fit on one sheet.
That sheet lives at the breakfast table. While the kids are getting ready for school, we'll read a little from one of the books or go over one of the points.
And here is what I tell them: "You could ignore everything your teachers tell you, everything that people say on TV. You can ignore everything in the world. If you live by this one page, you're going to be ridiculously successful. It just kind of simplifies things."
It's a cheat sheet for life. And as I've said on stage, "it costs nothing, so why not have them, right?"
Why values belong in your estate plan
At our Capital Raiser Bootcamp in January 2026, I made a point I had meant to make earlier: "it's more important to pass on your values to your kids than your money."
If you pass on just the money, you might ruin your kids and take away all their motivation. As I put it that day, "If you pass on just the values, they may make the money. If you pass on both, they may lose the money, but then make it back if they have the right values."
Then I said this: "Everyone worries about trust in estate planning, but then they don't even have values that cost nothing to put above their kitchen table." And yet "they spent $25,000 on their estate plan. ... And the estate plan might do nothing but ruin the kid's motivation to do anything with their lives."
I have found that "whether it's a lottery winner, an inheritance, a pro athlete, if your net worth grows faster than your financial IQ, the world will correct that equation and bring your net worth right back down to wherever your financial IQ is."
Put another way: "Any net worth you have now is only protected by your values, your reputation, your capabilities, your knowledge."
Most companies have values. "It's obvious for a company to have them, not so obvious for a family too." In my view, a lot of wealthy people "don't have them formalized for their family, and I think that's a big mistake."
Where to learn the document side
Documents move assets. Values decide outcomes. You need both.
If you want to learn the document side, a good place to start is EstatePlanner.com, a free educational library I own and built to explain estate planning for business owners and investors. The Start Here page on EstatePlanner.com is the easiest place to begin.
What you can do this month, no lawyer needed
None of this needs a law firm. It needs a parent who decides it matters.
- Write your family values. Start with what you already reward and correct at home. If your company has values, use them as a starting point. Your family list can be different, and that's fine.
- Put them where everyone sees them. Ours hang above the kitchen table.
- Reward and punish by them. When the values are on the wall, you can point to them.
- Make a one-pager. Values at the top, then a few books or principles you want your kids to live by.
- Use the breakfast table. A few minutes and one point at a time.
- Talk about how the money was made. And what you think it's for.
- Prepare your heirs. Help them learn about money before they have a lot of it.
- Hold family meetings. Give the family a regular place to talk and make decisions together.
For more on those last two, read the guides on preparing heirs for wealth and ownership and family governance for shared wealth.
Then get the documents right, in plain English
I'm not an attorney, so I'll keep this part simple. Your attorney handles the technical side. But a few plain points are worth knowing.
Make sure everything lines up. Your will doesn't always control everything. Some assets pass based on how the title is held, and some pass based on the beneficiary form on file. Check that your documents, beneficiary forms and titles actually match your wishes, and ask your attorney to walk through it with you. This infographic on what passes by will, title or designation is a good primer.
Keep the plan current. A plan that's never updated can cause problems. Families change. Assets change. Look at it again when something big happens.
Know what you have. Before you meet your attorney, take inventory with the document readiness checklist, and bring the estate planning discussion checklist to the meeting.
Ask about taxes. There are federal estate taxes, and some states have their own estate or inheritance taxes, which can apply to much smaller estates than the federal tax does. Ask your attorney and CPA how they apply to you.
And put one item on your own checklist that no attorney will bill you for: your family values, written down.
Final thought
I'm not an attorney, and this is my experience and opinion, not legal or tax advice. Work with a qualified estate attorney and CPA on your own plan.
But don't wait on the attorney to start the most important part. Write your values this week. Put them above the kitchen table. Talk about them at breakfast. It costs nothing.
Do you have written family values in your home? And if you do, where do you keep them so your kids see them every day?


.png)

